When I am wearing my heels, I walk tall, and my confidence is more evident. There is something about a high heel shoe I find sexy and alluring, and I believe I project those characteristics when I am wearing them – or at least that is what I’ve been told. It has been stated that I walk differently in heels than I do in flats. I was told I give an “around the way girl” vibe when I am wearing flats, and I give a “Joan Holloway” vibe when I am wearing heels.

Those who know me are very much aware of my extreme like for high heels, but due to a torn meniscus injury, I haven’t been able to wear them. And I will be honest with you – this fact upsets me immensely.  Because of this, I had to have a conversation with myself – so to speak. How can you call yourself and advocate for self-love and acceptance if you are thinking you’re not looking your best without a pair of 3.5- inch heels, B.B.?

I acknowledge the fact that I haven’t put my best foot forward because of my current inability to wear heels – no pun intended. It is true that I think I look my best when I am wearing heels. My shoes are like the cherry on top of an ice cream Sundae – it’s the final touch. But, why do I think the cherry has to be a stiletto?

High heels are sexy, feminine, and fierce – that is how heels make me feel, and I like it.  Can I get this same feeling from flats? Am I still sexy without my heels? These thoughts remind me of a conversation I had with one of my friends a few weeks ago. The conversation was about sexiness – and as usual, we did not agree. What makes a person sexy? Is sexy a state of mind? Is it appearance or is it a behavior? Is sexiness a combination of appearance and behavior? Is it an intentional act or is something that naturally happens?

At the time of the aforementioned conversation, I believed sexiness to be something that naturally happens.  The friend I was conversing with, on the other hand, believes sexiness is a deliberate act. I saw sexiness as a vibe we give off without thought or intent. I didn’t think it was something I did on purpose. My recent “shoe dilemma” causes me to think differently than before. If being sexy is something that I believe happens naturally with me, why didn’t I feel sexy without the added 3.5 inches of height?

Now I think sexiness encompasses all of the things I questioned. Sexiness is a state of mind, appearance, or behavior. It can be natural or intentional. I think we can be sexy without trying or thought. I also think we can be sexy when we put forth the effort. So what does that say about my feelings of non-sexiness without heels? Does it mean I can feel sexy in flats by altering my mindset? Can it be altered solely on the fact that I’m not what I wear?

By no means am I saying not to wear and look your best whenever possible – please do. We should take pride in our appearance, as I’ve stated before – it is an act of self-love.  I am saying not to rely on an article of clothing to validate who you are and how you feel. We should feel beautiful and sexy in whatever we are wearing or not wearing. I have come to realize I can be sexy in my bathrobe and my pantsuit – it has to do with my state of mind.

However, I would be lying if I told you I am completely satisfied with the fact that I can’t wear high heels right now. I will continue to work on strengthening my knee so I can resume wearing my favorite shoes. In the meantime, I will be sexy in my flats.

Truth be told, I’m not bothered by the fact that I am 5’2. I like my height. Although, I am annoyed that I cannot wear my dress pants as they are right now – they are too long. So, I will come up with a workaround – it gives me a reason to go shopping. What did I learn from this experience? The shoe does not make the woman. Articles of clothing do not make us beautiful or sexy. Who we are as people do. The clothes only enhance what is already present.

Until the next time, be you and most importantly…love you

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

B.B.