In retrospect—and as “rude” as it may sound—I should have told some people I’ve encountered to shut up. Specifically, the ones who implied knowing me and why I made particular decisions or statements. And while I’m being frank, I should have expressed some expletives directed toward them and “the horse they rode in on.” I wouldn’t really do that, but I digress—slightly.

Although I have received unsolicited commentary from “onlookers” regarding my life, they aren’t the only ones who needed to hush. I’ve been listening to a self-destructive internal “Caren” who ill-advised me to remain quiet instead of sharing my voice. I was so focused on “Caren” about a preconceived thought that what I had to say would be rejected and not worth stating. I believed this voice when it told me I wasn’t good enough or even smart. I gave into the idea that I didn’t belong at tables I sat at or even the rooms I was invited to walk in to—and it is high time I muzzle that voice and shut it up for good.

A few years ago, I received what I consider to be the worst advice I’ve ever heard: “fake it until you make it.” Granted, I believe she meant well—in her own way. Nevertheless, I still classify it as horrible, mainly because that wasn’t what I needed to hear. Pretending wasn’t going to silence the voice in my head, nor would it give me true confidence to believe in myself.

When I came in to this world 50 years ago, my mother chose to name me Towanda Victoria, which I’ve always been fond of—especially my middle name. In my younger days I considered it to be pretty, but now I’m more drawn to its meaning. According to the Internet, it means victory or conqueror, and symbolizes strength, determination, and triumph.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat disappointed in myself for not fully embracing my name before now. However, instead of berating myself for the perceived delay, I will just celebrate the realization of it—anything else would be futile.

I don’t see the benefit in presenting a facade of a confident person. The fact of the matter is I am where I am because God designed it to be so. He is the final authority on everything, so whoever doubts or disagrees has a moot point. And that alone is reason enough to walk confidently and boldly wherever He leads me.

So, I’m no longer “Caren” about what someone might be thinking about me.

Hi, my name is victory, and God is with me wherever I go.

Until the next time, be you— and more importantly—continue learning how to love yourself.

Being uniquely you is being uniquely beautiful.

B.B is wearing the Nessa Knit Maxi dress from Fashion Nova in size 1X. (Please note, B.B. layered a white tank dress to create this look, which is not included with the dress.)